ramblings

So who knew planning a one year old's birthday party would be so EASY?! Make a guest list. Check! Make a supply//needs list. Check! Decide on a location. Check! Design and create invitations. Check! Now all that's left to do is actually BUY all the supplies and mail out the invitations when it gets closer. I've heard from several people that planning kid's birthday parties is stressful, not worth it and a waste of time. I disagree 100%. I would never imagine NOT having a first birthday party. Sure, Ryder won't actually remember the party but there will be tons of pictures for him to look at when he gets older. Not only that, but it's an opportunity for all our friends and family to get together and hang out. Additionally, it gives any one that has yet to even meet Ryder the chance to do so. With every one's work and school schedules it's hard to get together as often as we'd like so this will be a perfect way to.

Given the time of the year we decided to have the party at a park where the kids can play on the playground and go in the splash park too. There's an open grass area for football and tag, or any other kids activities. I can only see this day going one way, and that would be well! :) Our two families don't particularly know each other very well but this is the time to get to know each other and come together FOR Ryder. If there's any awkwardness it can be squashed now. Not only that, but it's at a public park, no one HAS to hang out with anyone else. There' plenty of space and people can do their own thing without feeling weird.

After the party we're planning to go out with our of age friends and family, mommys and daddys too. Leaving all the grand kids with grandmas and celebrating making it through the first year alive! From what I've been told the second year is harder, but we'll see. Ryder is an angel baby so far, so I can't imagine him having terrible twos. (Yeah, right!)

Even though everything is already planned and has fallen into place quite well there's still always the stress of money and wanting to get things done before the event. I still need to buy a new outfit, get my nails and hair done and keep some extra spending money for that night. Although none of these things are a necessity to the party, sometimes you have to spend some money on yourself. Travis' new job has been a blessing in disguise. Even though he works SEVEN days a week, 10+ hours a day for next to nothing per car, the tips he makes daily have helped us out tremendously. His paychecks are a joke. He works his butt off in the Vegas heat day after day and still makes less than minimum wage. His boss is a nice guy and always works around Trav's schedule but his method of payment is beyond me. If it weren't for his daily tips, this job wouldn't even be worth it, But luckily those tips have gotten us out of several last minute binds. This whole birthday party has been paid for SOLELY off his daily cash and I could not be more thankful for the person Travis has turned into since starting this job three months ago. :)

That being said, our lives are not going as "planned". We still don't get along everyday and don't see eye to eye on several things, including the baby. I thought by now (almost 11 months later) we'd be on the same page and happy. I just don't see that happening any time soon. We fight almost every week and I hold grudges. Travis doesn't. We fight and then he gets over it in an hour. I continue to stay mad at him, sometimes even going to bed mad, which I HATE doing. I know I need to let things go but sometimes I just can't. I feel like the biggest reason we aren't together and happy is because of me. Things are never good enough and I want them to be perfect, I stay mad too long, I get mad too easily, etc. I know I need to change for things to get better between us but I can only do so much before a breaking point. Things can't be one sided anymore.

Speaking of 11 months later...Ryder will be 11 months in six days! SIX! I honestly can not believe how fast this time has gone by. It seems like just yesterday that he was born, then we were at his two month check up, then he started eating solid foods, then he was crawling and now here we are planning his first birthday party. I feel like as we get older time goes by faster. When we were little we couldn't wait for school to be out for the week, it seemed to drag before the weekend finally came. Then we couldn't wait for Summer break. Now that I have a child I feel like the week goes by quickly, turning into the weekend which is when I get to spend the most time with him and THAT goes by even quicker than the weekdays. Weeks turn into months and months into years and the next thing you know, your child is going off to college. I'm not sure if I'm ready for all this!